


What to Do with Love

by cleanlittlesecret



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Confessions, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-10
Updated: 2018-09-10
Packaged: 2019-07-10 16:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15953069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cleanlittlesecret/pseuds/cleanlittlesecret
Summary: Takeru knows how to love from a distance, but that isn’t an option when he and Yuusaku have to work together.





	What to Do with Love

Takeru didn’t remember what in all his distracted chatter had caused Yuusaku to look at him with an eyebrow raised and a smile tickling his lips as the backs of their free hands brushed together, but reflex cut the contact as he said, “You know I’m right,” with a numb grin, and Yuusaku muttered something close to an agreement. The two had bumped against each other several times during the walk from school to the viewing plaza, and each time Takeru had been quick to retreat, but each touch stole a little more of his attention.

While living with his grandparents, he’d often seen Kiku hold her friend Hana’s hand to lead her around or just stay together, but he and Yuusaku weren’t girls—worse, _neither_ of them was a girl. Even a shut-in like Takeru had heard what people thought of boys who were too close to other boys, and he’d learned to hide his thoughts, bury every wrong feeling until they suffocated, but now he was slipping. Maybe it was the freedom of escaping ten years’ worth of expectations, or maybe it was the knowledge that Yuusaku understood his past like no one else had, but when he was around Yuusaku, Takeru couldn’t stop himself from looking and thinking and _wishing_ —until he _slammed_ to a stop.

Stumbling back, he rubbed the side of his nose where his glasses had jabbed bone. “ _Ow._ ” Before him stood a tree no different from all the others surrounding the plaza except for the dried leaves dropping from its shaking branches, and his face stung from its rough bark.

“Are you all right?” Yuusaku had stopped beside him, so Takeru blinked his eyes clear and grinned like he hadn’t _walked into a tree._

“I’m fine. That just hurt a little.”

“It was a hard hit,” Flame said from the Duel Disk clasped onto Takeru’s arm. “You might have a concussion. Should we take you to a hospital?”

Takeru frowned at the red-and-yellow eyeball. “I said I’m fine. What would you know about concussions anyways?”

Flame blinked. “Don’t you know? A concussion is a brain injury caused by receiving a traumatic blow to the head, and it can lead to confusion, memory loss, or even unconsciousness.” Sighing, Takeru continued past the tree, and Yuusaku fell into step beside him as Flame listed methods of diagnosis and treatment. In the distance, Kusanagi’s food truck was parked with its service window closed, but as they crossed the plaza, Flame pivoted to, “How did you miss that tree, Takeru?”

“I was just a little distracted.”

“By what?” Yuusaku tilted his head, eyebrows lowering into something soft instead of his usual hard stare, and Takeru caught himself licking his lips.

“Just, uh, thinking about that math exam we have next week.” He hid behind a sheepish laugh. “I’m not doing well in that class, so…”

“I can help you study for it.”

“Thanks, but I should learn how to do it myself,” spilled from his mouth, and Takeru mentally kicked himself when Yuusaku frowned. Was he being too cautious? The offer had sounded automatic but genuine, something anyone would do for a friend. Did Takeru have to ruin what they already had?

Café Nagi’s service window swung open. “ _Yuusaku! Takeru!_ ”

Takeru jumped, but Yuusaku dashed ahead to the truck. “What is it?”

“Something weird is happening in the VRAINS.” Kusanagi left the window to open the truck’s back door. “Get in here and look at this!”

Tugging on his tie’s knot, Takeru took a slow breath and climbed into the truck behind Yuusaku. The limited space inside forced them close together, but he dodged the issue by standing on the other side of Kusanagi as they inspected the computer screens. No matter what, he wouldn’t let his thoughts get in the way of their mission.

* * *

He _really_ could have used some help with studying. Takeru sat at a desk covered with handwritten notes, pages and pages he’d copied to avoid staring at a tablet screen for hours on end, but nothing he did could keep the material in his head long enough to _get_ it. He didn’t know how to study—especially math. At his old school, he’d skipped more often than not, and when he had gone to class, he hadn’t cared about his grades. Moving to Den City was supposed to be a fresh start, the birth of a new Takeru, but he still paid the price for what he’d missed before. Gnawing fresh marks into his pen, he stared at his papers in a tired attempt to force their contents into his brain until colors blinked in his periphery vision.

“What’s bothering you?”

Takeru met the gaze of the Duel Disk acting as a paperweight for a stack of older notes. “Trigonometry.”

“Besides that.” Flame popped into view with arms crossed. “Something about you has been off recently—like how you walked into that tree earlier.”

“Stop worrying about that. I was just being clumsy.”

“You say that, but when I consider your recent behavior, I sense a pattern beyond mere clumsiness. Are you hiding something?”

Of course, it was difficult to keep a secret from someone who’d been based on him and was constantly with him. Maybe an Ignis wouldn’t care the way humans did, and the idea of talking about his feelings and asking for advice was tempting, but Takeru couldn’t make that jump, so he settled for, “Hey, Flame…have you ever liked someone?”

“I like you just fine, even with all your faults.”

Takeru frowned as his face warmed. “That’s not what I…never mind. I don’t know why I bothered asking an AI that.”

Flame brought a hand to the bottom curve of the circular marking on his face. “I see. This is some emotional human problem.”

Takeru raised an eyebrow. “You say that like you don’t have emotions.”

“AIs act on pure logic, so while I do have feelings like humans, I don’t behave irrationally like you do.”

A thin smile worked onto his mouth. “Oh, yes, because everything you say and do is one-hundred percent logical.”

“Exactly.” Flame sat on the curve of his screen as Takeru sighed. “If it’s a human problem, then why don’t you talk with Yuusaku or Kusanagi? Our allies should be willing to help you.”

Takeru returned to chewing his pen. Talk about a logical, useless idea.

Growing closer to Yuusaku had been easy, almost thoughtless, and as Takeru had become more comfortable, he’d taken to doing things like throwing an arm across Yuusaku’s shoulders or sitting so their knees bumped together, moments of contact that had to end after he’d realized what was happening. A gay boy who lived in the countryside and wasn’t good with technology didn’t have many resources, but he’d learned how to recognize when his feelings were going too far, when it was time to back away. He knew how to love from a distance, avoiding direct interaction until he made himself give up, but that wasn’t an option when he and Yuusaku had to work together.

A trilling note rang from the floor, so Takeru found his phone in the schoolbag abandoned beside his desk. Seeing _Yuusaku_ on the caller ID, he took the pen from his mouth and answered. “Hello?”

“Ai got a message from Flame about you being in trouble,” Yuusaku said.

Ai’s voice came through as a faint, “But I said—”

“Be quiet.”

Takeru shot a look at the Ignis still perched on his Duel Disk. “I don’t know what Flame sent, but I was just worrying about that math exam, so he must have exaggerated. Sorry for bothering you.”

“Do you need me to come over?” Yuusaku said.

“It’s already late.”

“Then how about we meet at Café Nagi tomorrow morning and go over everything together?”

Takeru blinked. “Don’t we have school in the morning?”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday, and no classes are scheduled.”

“…Ah.” Now that he thought about it, a teacher had announced it earlier that day. How could he have forgotten, especially after everyone around him had chattered about weekend plans?

“So?”

Biting his lip, Takeru dropped his gaze to the notes before him. Meeting to study on their day off would do nothing to put distance between them, but it was a second chance after rejecting Yuusaku’s first offer to help, so he nodded. “That sounds good.”

“Kusanagi-san got permission to park his truck near the Ferris wheel, so that’s where he’ll be tomorrow. We can meet there around nine.”

“Okay. See you then.” After the call ended, Takeru found a smile on his face. Despite everything, hearing Yuusaku offer him help with no hesitation felt nice, even comforting, like assurance that his first refusal hadn’t ruined anything. He caught Flame watching with narrowed eyes. “What?”

“You didn’t talk about what’s really bothering you. Isn’t Yuusaku your friend?”

“He is, but I don’t need to talk with him about it.” Takeru gathered his notes to return them to his schoolbag. “I’m fine, really, so I don’t need you messaging Ai behind my back.”

“I understand your desire for privacy, but I’m worried,” Flame said.

“I won’t get in the way of what we’re doing—”

“I’m worried about _you_ , Takeru.” Flame watched him like he always did, genuine to a fault. Takeru smiled as he picked up the Duel Disk.

“Well…let’s just get ready for bed, okay?”

* * *

“Here you go, teacher.” Takeru offered his tablet to Yuusaku with a grin, but despite the furrowing in his eyebrows, Yuusaku didn’t comment as he took it to check the work. Free for the moment, Takeru stretched his arms and sat back in his chair.

Kusanagi had set their table in the shade of some trees close to the food truck’s door but away from where the customers would disturb them, but Takeru noticed what kinds of people came by. Many of the Ferris wheel’s patrons were groups of teenage girls or families with young children, but he’d spotted some couples—they were easy to identify from their behavior. Snacking on tea and cold fries, Takeru watched yet another couple, guy and girl, head from the Ferris wheel to the truck. They walked close enough to bump shoulders, and she grabbed his arm just before they reached the window. After they left with bagged orders, Takeru redirected his attention.

Even dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, Yuusaku looked serious as he scrutinized Takeru’s work. It was easier to watch him like this, his mind focused elsewhere so he wouldn’t notice, but then his eyes flicked up, and the stare held between them until Yuusaku’s throat bobbed with a swallow. “What is it?”

“Just waiting for you to get done.”

Yuusaku returned the tablet, and Takeru grimaced as he scrolled through the many crossed-out answers and notes written in red. He hadn’t been prepared for how strict his tutor would be, but no matter how patient and thorough Yuusaku’s explanations were, they went in one ear, stayed in his head long enough to make Takeru feel confident, and trickled out the other. Rubbing his eyes, Takeru groaned as the truck’s door opened.

“I was about to ask how it’s going, but I think I can guess,” Kusanagi said.

“He’s gotten somewhat better,” Yuusaku said.

“You’re too kind.” Takeru set his tablet on the table. “The light from this screen is killing my eyes. How do you two handle looking at these things all the time?”

“Guess we’re used to it.” Kusanagi crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. “You’ve been at it for a few hours now. How about taking a little break?”

“The exam is on Monday,” Yuusaku said.

Kusanagi winced. “Never mind. Keep cramming then. Are either of you hungry?”

“I’m fine,” Takeru said, but Kusanagi shook his head.

“You won’t learn on an empty stomach, so don’t be shy. This is my job, after all.” He looked at Yuusaku. “What about you?”

“I’m not hungry.”

“Come on. Have you had anything besides coffee today?”

Yuusaku picked up the tablet. “I ate some fries when I first got here.”

“Right. Well…” After glancing over his shoulder towards the service window, Kusanagi grabbed the door handle. “I’ll give you two your space. Do your best!” The door slammed shut, and as a family with several children approached the truck, Yuusaku scooted his chair closer to Takeru’s.

“Look at this.” Yuusaku held the tablet before them. “I think you’re—” Breathing in the scent of Yuusaku’s shampoo, Takeru leaned away, and the words trailed into silence. After scrolling through the work again, Yuusaku closed the tablet. “We should take a break.”

Takeru raised his eyebrows. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.” Yuusaku pushed his chair back to stand. “Do you want to go for a walk?”

“Uh…sure?”

His expression blank, Yuusaku packed their tablets into their schoolbags, opened the truck’s door enough to set them inside, and returned to the table, so Takeru got to his feet.

“Where do you—” He hurried to catch up as Yuusaku headed down the walkway leading from the Ferris wheel. Red bricks paved the path as it connected to a wider street parallel to the coastline, and when he caught sight of the ocean, Takeru ran ahead to the guardrail and leaned over to take a deep breath. The air’s salty tang faded by time it reached their table, but here it breathed fresh and alive, and the metal of the railing stood hot and rough under his hands. The horizon looked different from the one he had seen during all those empty days of skipping school, but distance muted Den City’s constant noise, so it felt like home for a moment.

Then a hand brushed against his, and Takeru pulled away as he straightened. Yuusaku stood beside him at the guardrail. “Have I done something wrong?”

Takeru knew Yuusaku enough to catch the force in his low voice, but still he blinked. “What are you talking about?”

“You’re avoiding me.”

“No, I’m not. We’ve been together all morning.”

Yuusaku scowled. “That’s not what I meant. You used to be clingy, but now you keep jerking away from me. Why is that?”

Takeru bit the inside of his cheek. He’d counted on Yuusaku not noticing in the same way he missed many other little things, but he must not have been as subtle as he’d thought. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. You don’t seem to like being touched.”

“I would’ve told you if I wanted you to stop.”

“I guess so.”

Yuusaku’s eyebrows furrowed. “Did I do something to make you think I was uncomfortable?”

“No, you didn’t do anything.”

Yuusaku waited, but when nothing else came, he pressed his lips together and glanced towards the truck. The path around them was empty, and little could be heard above the hissing waves. With a sigh, he faced the ocean. “I’d gotten used to it.” His voice had dropped, quiet and soft. “I like being close to you.” He shifted his hands on the rail as Takeru stared—what did _that_ mean?

His heart jumped at the possibility, but Takeru shut it down. Guys like him weren’t liked back, and he couldn’t touch Yuusaku when it meant something different to each of them. “I’m sorry I upset you.”

Yuusaku didn’t look at him. It wasn’t enough. Yuusaku deserved more, even if he hated Takeru afterwards. Anything would be better than leaving him to blame himself for something he couldn’t control.

“The truth is I like you. I really like you too much.” Heat rose into his face as his stomach sank, and he looked at the water sloshing against land only a couple steps from their feet. Refusing Kusanagi’s offer of more food had been a good decision. “It’s cool if you’re not interested. I won’t hold it against you, and I’ll do my best not to make things awkward—”

“Takeru,” Yuusaku said, and it didn’t sound like a hand shoving him away or a door slamming between them, so Takeru raised his head. Yuusaku’s eyebrows were furrowed, but when he glanced over and met Takeru’s gaze, he looked away and shifted his feet. “I think I like you too.”

 “…Oh,” was all he managed. The quiet dissolved as footsteps and chatter grew behind him, so Takeru waited for the group to pass him and Yuusaku and disappear down the path to the Ferris wheel. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have where outsiders could hear, but when the noise faded, all he could say was, “Well, that’s…good,” and Yuusaku raised an eyebrow. He laughed. “Sorry, I’m just…”

The sick feeling was slow to fade, and it was too soon to tell what was replacing it. What did this mean? He had no idea what happened when someone liked him back, and Yuusaku didn’t seem to know much either. Did anything have to change right away, or could they take time to process it? What did he want?

Yuusaku’s hands still rested on the rail beside his, so close that a small shift brought them together, and Yuusaku let go of the railing to let him take his hand. Yuusaku’s palm was hot from the metal’s touch, but it felt nice, and his smile looked so easy that Takeru could stop thinking for the moment. This feeling was something he would never forget.


End file.
